


Paths for Getting Lost

by the_rck



Category: Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 21:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9923681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rck/pseuds/the_rck
Summary: "Caine volunteered to teach me how to use the Pattern to travel Shadow."Caine and Merlin shortly after Patternfall.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "A beautiful jug that falls and breaks" by Jorge Reichmann.
> 
> I'm looking for suggestions for tags for this because I went utterly blank when I looked at that field and still haven't managed to think of anything.

Caine volunteered to teach me how to use the Pattern to travel Shadow. Martin and I were both startled as we’d assumed that Martin would do it. Martin studied Caine’s face with narrowed eyes and twitched his fingers in the signal we’d used in the Courts to indicate a desire for intervention. 

There being nothing about the situation that I could intervene in for his benefit, I took it as his promise that he would intervene if Caine decided to put a knife into me. I smiled at Caine and thanked him. I’m pretty sure he assumed the smile was false, but really, someone was going to have to teach me, and if Caine took me out into Shadow with Martin watching, it might mean Caine was less likely to kill me later on.

“Is there somewhere you’d like to go?” Caine asked.

I had the feeling that that was a test of some sort, and I was pretty sure I was going to fail. “I am curious about Earth and Lorraine and the other places my father mentioned.” I wasn’t going to suggest Avalon. I’m not suicidal. “Is it better to walk or to ride?”

The look Caine gave me left me wondering if he thought I was going to Earth to retrieve some stash of who knows what that my father had left behind. That was when I realized that I might actually know my father better than most of my uncles did.

My father’s absence was both unexpected and unwelcome. I’d counted on him as buffer against the rest of his family. As long as he was present and alive, I might be assumed to be at a further remove from trying to usurp the throne. I’d also rather liked the man. I knew that he’d been a disappointment to my mother in some way, but he’d proved a more likeable person than I’d expected, given what mother and Oberon had said of him and the rumors Martin had reported.

Caine selected horses for us, and I very deliberately made foolish remarks about the strangeness of riding a creature that couldn’t shape shift.

My uncle’s smile did not quite tell me whether he thought me more dangerous for it or less.

Caine told me stories of the history of the family and of the politics of the Golden Circle as we rode. He also asked me for stories of my childhood and of the history of the Courts. A story for a story, he said.

I didn’t let that lull me too much, and I tried very hard to come across as naive without crossing into appearing stupid. I was pretty sure he’d never believe stupid. In talking of my past, I emphasized the isolation and tried to angle things so that he’d guess I’d been raised to be biddable. I did not mention my brothers, but I did admit that Benedict and Lintra had other descendants in the Houses of Chaos. I silently wished him the joy of trying to find them. Most of them had teeth much nastier than mine.

We had been traveling for a week before he asked me the question he really wanted me to answer. It was night, we were sitting by a fire. There was a stream a few yards away that had given us excellent fish for dinner. 

Caine had had to show me how to prepare fish. 

I let him assume my ignorance was due to isolation and to being kept close to home. I doubt it ever occurred to him that cooking wasn’t particularly necessary given my other abilities.

Once the sun had gone down, he had talked of travel to other worlds that lay within a single Shadow. That got into the complications of figuring out when one was in the same Shadow but on a different planet, and I tried to pretend that I considered that worth thinking about.

Eventually, Caine fell silent, staring into the fire.

I leaned against a log and wondered how far away Martin was. I was certain he wasn’t actually in the same Shadow where we were. Caine couldn’t have missed that, but Martin had ways of tracking people that Oberon had taught him. That might be enough.

Caine sighed. “You seem like a nice kid, Merlin.” He put just enough emphasis on ‘kid’ for me to know that he wasn’t buying that part.

I sighed in my turn. “I intend no harm.” I didn’t really expect him to believe me.

He fixed his eyes on mine. “Why not?”

I got the impression he was looking for a reason not to kill me, so I shrugged. “Martin likes his father. Martin is my closest friend.” I wasn’t sure if Caine would understand that or if I’d have to make something up to satisfy him.

He looked dubious, but he made no move to draw a weapon.

“Everything about… certain people’s plans for me involved me being obedient and having no opinions of my own.” I hesitated. “I suppose that dissipation might have been an option open to me.” I let my face show my clear awareness that that road led to self-destruction. “I’ve lived on a very short leash.”

“Ah.” He clearly understood that. He tapped a finger on his leg. “Random wants you and Corwin to find what he and Martin have.”

So Random would ask questions if Caine went home alone. I shrugged. I doubted Caine would believe me if I said I adored my father. “I don’t know where my father is if that’s what you want to know.” That was probably blunter than I should have been, but I wasn’t sure that talking around things would help me at all. Caine needed to be certain he had the upper hand.

He gave a laugh that really didn’t sound amused. “Corwin’s good at disappearing.”

Corwin had been in trouble the last time he disappeared. I didn’t like that most of his family seemed to assume he must just have wandered off. Of course, if he hadn’t-- Well, I wasn’t ready to look at that too closely. If I did, I might have to do something about it. “You would know better than I.” I held his gaze for a moment then looked into the fire.

I weighed the likely repercussions of pretended helplessness versus showing claw and fang. I was pretty sure that, short of killing me, Caine couldn’t hold me, that he couldn’t even if Martin weren’t waiting to help. I just wasn’t sure that Caine knowing that was a good idea.

“Why don’t you wear a sword?” Caine sounded idly curious. I have no idea why he thought I’d believe that.

I considered my reply carefully. “In most places I’ve gone, a sword was something-- My mother would not have had me wear one at home, and I seldom went out.” I spread my hands. “I expect I’d be more risk to myself than to an enemy.” I was gambling that he didn’t know enough about the Courts to know I lied. Wearing a sword was necessary sometimes, but at other times, it would be taken as a sign of weakness, a sign that I couldn’t protect myself without it. Did he even realize that I could shape shift?

He relaxed minutely. “I saw few swords in Chaos.”

Had he assumed that was weakness? Corwin’s stories had led me to think Caine cannier than that. I shrugged. I might not love the Courts, but I had no mind to sell them so cheap either. I had not wanted them to win their war, but I also didn’t want to see them become Amber. “In many contexts, carrying one is gauche.” I flashed him a smile. “You won the war, so whatever you chose to do was socially acceptable. Possibly, swords will become fashionable. Almost no one thought that you could possibly win.”

“You worked with Oberon to make sure we won.” He sounded quite certain.

So that was why he hadn’t already tried to kill me. “My House did. His Majesty knows that.” I studied my hands as I turned them over and back. “The members of House Sawall have as many different agendas as the members of Amber’s royal family. Having helped once does not mean always.” I looked directly at Caine. “I swore fealty, and I meant it. My mother was not pleased.” Would he understand that I had-- temporarily, I hoped-- burned my bridges there?

Caine narrowed his eyes but didn’t look at me. He also didn’t say anything for several minutes.

I didn’t push. I gave my attention to adding wood to the fire instead.

Eventually, Caine looked at me again. “You’ve been on a leash all your life.”

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t say anything.

“I would be happier,” he went on, “if someone I trust kept an eye on you.”

I wondered if Martin was close enough to hear us. “That’s not exactly compatible with not being on a leash.” I kept my tone level and dry. I wondered how much anyone would care if I killed Caine and how much I would have to give up in order not to have to.

He shrugged as if to say that that wasn’t his problem. “I think we can manage a longer leash.” He stared at the fire for a moment. “I’d rather you stayed in Amber, but I can see why you wouldn’t want to.”

“There’s really nothing there for me.” Random had given me titles and lands, but really-- “It’s just a place. From what my father said, it’s more than that for all of you, but--” I spread my hands wide. “--for me, it’s not and won’t be.” I looked directly at him. “If it worries you, being king would mean nailing myself to a single place. A much more terrible leash than any I’ve known before.”

He raised his eyebrows in a way that said that he didn’t quite believe me.

I shrugged.

He sighed. “You mentioned Earth. My sister, Florimel, enjoys the place. If she’s willing, you could both live there for a while. Not together.” The look he gave me told me that he could think of many reasons a young man might not want to live with an aunt. “You could wander near Earth as long as she knew where you were.”

I wondered if this was a test or if he really thought I was ignorant enough not to realize how easy it would be to slip that leash. If I was careful, I could do anything I wanted while still appearing obedient. Nothing anyone had said to me had ever led me to think Caine was stupid, so maybe he was planning to spy on me by other means. “That’s a better offer than I thought you might make me.” I expected that he’d understand that a knife in the back would not have surprised me.

He laughed. “You should spend time in Amber even if it bores you. If we don’t know you, we’ll see every possible threat from you.”

As opposed to actual likely threats from me. I wondered how long it would take to convince the more paranoid of my father’s siblings that I was harmless. It was probably impossible. They hadn’t survived so long by trusting appearances.

But Caine apparently didn’t intend to kill me immediately. That was something.

Earth hadn’t sounded like a terrible place from what my father had told me, just completely alien to my experience. As everything at this end of reality was. That might occupy me for a while. 

I inclined my head. “If Aunt Florimel is willing.”


End file.
